Let Them. By Simon Doyle, School Principal, NSW North Coast

Let Them: A Leadership Mindset for School and Home

By Simon Doyle, Principal, Bishop Druitt College, NSW North Coast. 

As a school principal on the North Coast of New South Wales, I spend much of my day navigating expectations — from students, parents and staff to government regulations and the wider community. Like anyone leading a people-centred organisation, I know how quickly leadership can become an exercise in becoming preoccupied with perceptions rather than purpose. With the speed and reach of modern communication, leadership today demands steadiness and focus.

Over time, I have come to understand that sustainable leadership is not about controlling every outcome. It is about clarity of purpose, disciplined thinking and the wise use of energy. Recently, reading The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins and Sawyer Robbins sharpened that thinking. The premise is deceptively simple: when others behave in ways that differ from our expectations, let them. Then ask the more powerful question — what will I choose to do next?

This is not indifference or passivity; it is disciplined, intentional leadership.

Control is not the same as influence

Much of leadership involves recognising the limits of our influence. We cannot predict other people’s behaviour, emotions or opinions, but we can govern our response. Releasing the need to control every variable is not a weakness; we create space to act with clarity and intention.

In schools, decisive action is essential in matters of safety, wellbeing, values, equity and governance — these responsibilities are non-negotiable. At the same time, effective leadership requires discernment. Not every issue warrants immediate intervention, and not every difference requires escalation. The skill lies in knowing what demands action and what is best addressed through patience, perspective and steady guidance.

The Power of “Let Me”

The strength of this framework sits in its second half: Let me choose my response. Let me set clear boundaries. Let me act in alignment with my values.

Boundaries are not defensive; they are principled. Allowing others to be themselves does not require us to compromise standards or accept behaviour that falls outside agreed expectations. It means creating space for growth while maintaining clarity about what is acceptable and what is not.

Energy and attention are finite resources. Effective leadership, like effective parenting, requires sustainability. When we focus only on what is within our influence, we preserve capacity for thoughtful decisions, strong relationships and long-term direction.

Acceptance Brings Freedom

One of the most valuable lessons in leadership, and in raising children, is that not every situation requires an immediate response. Silence, patience, and careful observation can be more effective than quick intervention. Growth happens in the space we allow others to reflect, learn from experience, and take responsibility for their choices.

Acceptance does not excuse harm, injustice, or unsafe behaviour. True leadership is knowing when to accept, when to guide, and when to step back. While we cannot control the economy, community opinion, or every decision made by our children or colleagues, we can always control our own response and the next step we take. By doing so, we create an environment that encourages independence, accountability, and resilience.

What this means for parents and carers

The “Let Them” mindset is equally powerful at home. As parents and carers, we want to protect our children from disappointment and mistakes. Yet growth depends on experiencing both.

Let them forget a due date. Let them spend their birthday money unwisely. Let them navigate friendship challenges. Within clear boundaries of safety and family values, these moments become powerful learning opportunities.

Teenagers in particular are developing independence. When adults smooth over every problem, we unintentionally limit their resilience. When we allow natural consequences, paired with calm, value-based conversations, we build coping strategies, accountability and confidence.

Schools and families work best for children when aligned in this approach. When young people know that adults will support them without rescuing them from every difficulty, they learn to reflect, adjust and persevere.

Leading with clarity and integrity

For educational leaders, business owners and families across the North Coast, this approach offers both clarity and perspective. Markets shift. Staff change roles. Children test boundaries, and opinions will circulate. We cannot control all of it. 

What we can influence are our standards, the example we set, our values and the integrity with which we act. “Let them” is not about lowering expectations; it is about focusing on what is in our control — our decisions, our character and our response. When we lead from that place, we nurture communities built on trust, resilience and shared purpose.